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The Knowledge of God

by Barry James Moore

Wednesday, January 31, 2001

I have long looked to people to give me what only God can give me. I wanted their love, even if it meant "forcing" them to love me, by controlling or manipulating. When I received approval from others it was a performance thing. I used to think that I was doing things for people to help them and that I was doing so out of love, but the truth is that I was doing those things to feel good about myself.

I looked to people to give me worth — I felt I had no worth — Satan had me trapped in his lies. Lies about me. Lies about God. And I had believed him. In search of love I had worshipped and served the creature instead of the Creator. I am finding Truth and I know Truth does set me free. The more revealed Truth, the more I am able to recognize the lies and dispel them. I am learning and choosing God's Truth over Satan's lies.

I am finding out how much God loves me — actually what I've found is just a drop in the ocean of God's love for you and me. Mostly I found out He loves me, for me, not just as part of His creation. I had believed that, as a man with same gender attractions, I was abhorrent to God — that He would be forced to let me into heaven, but not happily. The Truth is that He has pursued me since I was in my mother's womb. He has always loved me, and He longed to have me come to Him for Him to give me love and worth and acceptance and to fill the empty void in me — a space He created in me designed for only Him to fill. I had looked to fill that void with a myriad of things trying to kill the pain and hide from myself and from God.

I have found that God will satisfy every longing, every cry of my heart if I will seek Him and His Kingdom above all else. My need for approval from people is being replaced by my need for God — not His approval, He already approves of me — not for what He can do for me — not His attributes — but a real need for Him. When I seek Him first He will supply everything else I need (Matthew 6:33), but not just for food, shelter, etc., but my emotional and spiritual condition — He meets my EVERY need (2 Peter 1:3).

I'm learning about God's nature. I'm growing in Him (and He in me).

  1. God's DNA — what God is like — (Exodus 34:6-7)

    1. Compassionate
    2. Gracious
    3. Slow to anger
    4. Abounding in Unfailing Steadfast Love to His people
    5. Abounding in Truth
    6. Showing Faithfulness to everyone
    7. Forgiving Depravity, Rebellion and Habitual Sin

  2. Growing in God — walking out this thing we are called to — growth toward Godliness (becoming like Him) — being conformed to the image of His Son — that for which God works all things — His purpose to which we are each called — to become like Jesus — Christlikeness (Romans 8:29)

    1. Steps to God's Glory — (2 Peter 1:1-7) — Click here for PowerPoint Slide Show
      (For Microsoft's FREE PowerPoint viewer, click here)
      1. Initial belief
      2. Consciousness of Moral Excellence - knowing right from wrong
      3. Knowledge of God and ourselves
      4. Self Control
      5. Perseverance
      6. Godliness
      7. Brotherly Kindness
      8. Love
      		   (click for larger image)
      Steps to God's Glory (click for larger image)

    2. Rejecting our fixes (self-control) — intentionally giving up those things we have used to kill emotional pain — and the fear (more pain) that comes with that rejection — will God be there for us if we give up the fix?

      To try to be obedient to the Law, by sheer power of our own will and human effort as the source of strength, will work against us. We need the Power of God through Faith. See: Overcoming the Sin Nature
      1. This takes us through many of the other steps even cyclical — as we have initial belief we can see what's right and wrong — we get to better know (learn something new about) God and ourselves — back to:
        • Step 1 – do we really believe that?
        • Step 2 – what right and wrong have we discovered about our thoughts and behavior?
        • Step 3 – we now know God and ourselves even better.

      2. The question is: Are we willing to set out on that journey?

      3. As we believe and know more about what's right and wrong and about God and ourselves, we have another choice: Do we continue on that journey? Are we willing to bring our lives into line with God's way?
        • Step 4 – that takes self-control.
        The interesting thing is that if we are willing, God will be the One who helps us — "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

    3. But now the perseverance begins — when we begin to exercise self-control, Satan attacks with a vengeance (more pain, more doubt, more lies). It takes endurance (1 Corinthians 10:13 (NASB) "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.")

    4. We may stumble and fall — we may sin grievously. Will we persevere with God? He WILL persevere with us. So get back up and run into His arms.

    5. As we grow we will eventually move toward the higher steps — even being there from time to time.

    6. For me I'm on various steps simultaneously in different areas of my life. Enduring the pain of a victor instead of the pain of a victim — getting to know myself and God — deciding if I believe what I've learned — learning what's right and wrong — exercising self-control.

I'm also learning so much of God's love for me — for each one of us. When I lean my head on Jesus' chest and listen to the heartbeat of God, my heart to His heart in communion — we love on each other. I am getting to know Him intimately. For many years I've learned about God. Now I've been personally introduced to Him and I'm getting to know Him personally, not just about Him.

Regarding the "steps" — Proverbs 3:5 reads "do not lean on your own understanding." As I process (cycle) through the steps it is getting easier to not lean on my own understanding, but to rely on His guidance as I move into self-control and also to persevere through Satan's attacks and lies. It's getting easier to recognize the lies — therefore easier to reject the lie and acknowledge the Truth. My mind is being renewed through and by God and His Word — written word and the Word made flesh who dwelt among us (and Who now reigns in us), Jesus.

I am comforted that, when my flesh is weak, I can be open and honest with God about the pull I feel at the moment. I can be honest when I truly feel that I want to fulfill the desires of my flesh. I have assurance that He understands and does not condemn when I allow my mind and/or my eyes to linger.

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