The Vine And The Tree

December 2001

I wrote this article, in the late fall of 2001, to a friend from the ex-gay group who had stopped part-way on his journey home and was satisfied associating in common cause with other ex-gay guys, who, like himself, had also stopped midstream short of the goal.

Having myself been out of the ex-gay group four years, I was not content being stuck with no apparent resolution to the conflict. I was also not content toughing it out on my own strength. There had to be a better answer.

Eventually my discontent also led me to be one hundred percent transparent (with discretion) in all areas of who and what I am. It is so much more freeing than hiding in an ex-gay closet, or denying that part of me, as some ex-gay leaders advocate.

"[We] can do all things through Christ who empowers [us]." Philippians 4:13 — We increase in strength as He intertwines His strength with our weakness.

Picture this if you will. There is a tall mighty redwood tree. Let's say that it's the tree's purpose to provide support and sustenance for vines. The tree can declare that it's not good for vines to be alone.

Then there is a weak rambling vine that cannot reach high into the heavens, but it is rooted next to the tall mighty redwood tree. (It's a poor analogy, because the tree cannot create vines and vines are not made in the image of the tree, but hang in there with me).

As the vine grows it clings to the mighty redwood, with it's root system becoming evermore entrenched deep inside the redwood itself — the vine becoming stronger itself day by day. After time, the vine has grown up the side of the redwood to the very top. The leaves of the vine are so intermingled with those of the tree that a casual observer from the ground cannot tell the tree's leaves from the vine's leaves. They have in essence become one (see sidebar below). That casual observer may take an axe and chop at the base of the tree even severing the original growth of the vine. Does the vine wither and die? NO. Why? Because all the way up the tree, the roots of the vine have grown into the tree and the tree is providing all of the sustenance the vine needs.

We are the vines and God is the redwood tree. The tree is huge and supports many such weak vines simultaneously and effortlessly. We get to grow side-by-side with other vines that are as weak as we are. We enjoy the journey up the tree together in common cause, in common growth, with our needs met in common by the tree, and in the very fellowship and relationship, with each other, for which vines were created and for which we cry out.

If I fight against the tree and I reject its provision I will die. I can get on an Internet chat room and complain that the tree made me a vine instead of a tomato plant and that the tree said that I need other vines. I could refuse to submit to the will of the tree. I can uproot myself and go plant myself next to other vines that have also rejected the tree. Together we can try to nurture each other, we can struggle to meet each other's needs, all the while missing out on the provision that the tree intended for us. As a group of vines we will live for a while because we do have a shallow root system, but we cannot weather drought, floods and hail. We will become beat up and weary of the storms a vine must endure. Other vines will toss us aside for younger, better-looking vines. We will be all alone — definitely against the will of the tree that wanted us to be in relationship with other vines. We cannot grow tall and mighty. We will never become strong — the most strength we can draw on is the weakness of another vine. Yuk! We will wither and we WILL eventually DIE.

OR, I can admit that I AM a vine, refuse to listen to prunes who tell me I am not a vine, and I can walk away from shrubs who turn their backs on vines and also walk away from groups of vines who reject my tree. I can admit that I am weak, that I need the strength of a community of vines firmly planted next to the tree intended to be our support. I can run back to the tree and soar to the heavens on the strength of The Tree and LIVE.

There was a point in my life — not too many years ago — when I was exchanging e-mail with a man in California — he provided much support for awhile — helping me understand what was going on in me, but his support was very limited. I expressed to him that I wanted to crawl up inside of someone — in effect become one with that person. That's what God desires (even lusts for) — that you and I become one with Him. It's my guess that most people have the same urge to merge. All of us simply want to love and be loved, to be accepted, to be one of the "guys" — to be accepted Just As I Am. I don't want to have to change anything about me to get another to love me — we cry out (even if only in the silence of our thoughts), "Please love me, ANYBODY, please LOVE me. Please, please accept me as I am." I've tried to conform to expectations of other people, but it's futile — it's not who I am. Whatever change is to occur in me must be accomplished by The Master as I submit to His voice and the promptings of the Holy Spirit. That is the only change that counts and that is permanent. Well, it's very sad that many christians (lowercase "c" intended endnote 2) do not accept others just as we are. Most on an individual level, including support group leaders, want us to change before we are acceptable to them. Well, duh, it just isn't going to happen. Get over it; we are what we are. We want love just like everyone else wants love. We want acceptance. We came to God in our brokenness and we were accepted by Him. What makes others think that I cannot be accepted in my brokenness? I hear you. Maybe you don't think you're broken. Well I'm sorry to tell you — the old liar and deceiver has fooled you again — EVERYONE is born broken and that includes YOU. Your brokenness may be different than others, but so what, you're still broken. You're as messed up as me — and so is every other human creature. It's pointless to even discuss how our particular sin condition develops. It doesn't matter, we're still broken. GOOD NEWS — We can come to God JUST AS WE ARE — we can have our urge to merge completely satisfied as we crawl up inside of Him. We are what we are — BROKEN, in need of a Loving God who reaches out to us offering — in fact pleading with us to accept — his REDEMPTION. He will make us sons of the Most High God. What a deal. Count me in. I was made for this — dwelling in His courts — praises on my lips — living in the will of God.